It was by chance that I found this delightful place whilst staying in Sandown, Isle of Wight. It wasn't on my tourist guide and I passed it at least four times on the bus before noticing it. My excuse? We had two days of bad weather, and I hadn't been able to see out of the window for the rain and condensation. But find it I did, so I popped in.
I've also created a YouTube vlog, link:-
I mentioned to the lady in charge that I have a British postcard/ Carry On film sense of humour, in that anything to do with tits, bums and willies will make me laugh, and you can add to that anything lavatorial such as human excretions.
But she said the main point of the museum was to demystify an often taboo subject into something we need to have a conversation about- after all changes in poo can sometimes signify a change in health.
Here is the Bristol Stool Scale, used by the medical profession to classify stools. Everyone is given a marble as they enter, and you have to put it into the jar which corresponds with your last poo. I'm pleased to say I was normal!
This micro-museum is situated in an old public toilet-so therefore is quite small and narrow- and originally opened as a mobile museum in 2016. It is filled with poo artefacts such as this elaborately decorated toilet bowl, which you can talk into!
Picture of the inside of the guts...
The Optimus was invented by Stevens Hellyer circa 1870, and was said to be Queen Victoria's favourite loo. She even used one on the royal train. Unlike other passengers, she only used it when the train was stationary!
Well, she was the Queen...
Seeing these beautiful loos reminded me of Lucinda Lampton, who presented a TV programme I saw back in the 1990s, called On The Throne- The History of the Lavatory. She's also written a book on the subject, called Temples of Convenience and Chambers of Delight. I will check it out.
Photo: Amazon
I was reminded of the Kate Bush album, 50 Words For Snow, and of the erudite Stephen Fry chanting said words over one hauntingly melodic track.
I am going to lower the tone (or am I? The point of the exhibition is to redefine poo into something we can openly discuss) and will give you 50 words or euphemisms for poo, starting now...
excreta : number two : scat : coprolite : caca : cak:
dropping the kids off at the swimming pool :
dropping a log
This old toilet cubicle also contained a collection of items which found their way into cesspits in Nottingham during Victorian times.
An Eastern toilet. You can squat over this and take a selfie (I refrained!) I've seen these in India.
You can jump into this old cubicle and take a ride on The No. 2 Circular Line, which discusses the lifecycles of poo parasites.
Microscope screen, which was actually looking at a Peacock butterfly caterpillar poo in real time...
turd : crap : jobbie : whoopsie : poop : doo-doo :
having a muck out :
pinching a loaf
The workings of the microscope...
Wall of poos, and the wombat poo to the top left appears to be square! One would assume that wombats have a square bumhole...
Cowpat...
Human poo, and the average human adult does 128g of poo every day...
BM (bowel movement) : ordure : feculence : faeces : chair leg : load :
unburden my bowels :
talk shit to john
An elephant poo- quite large as you would expect...
Details of dung beetles, who love to chow down on poo...
Another makeshift telephone; this time a bedpan. The museum also has games for kids, such as a "guess which animal did this" section.
This cabinet is devoted to the different ways people have wiped their bums throughout history.
I do love the sponge-on-a-stick, which dates back to Roman times, and it's where the phrase "the wrong end of the stick" stems from. My mother was much more base- in our house that saying became "the shitty end of the stick," as in "Why do I always get the shitty end of the stick?"
Well, at least she was historically correct!
shit : shite : BBT (big, brown and terrible) : stool : Eartha Kitt : Tom Tit :
build a log cabin :
lay some bricks
You can even sniff Hyraceum, which is the semi-fossilised droppings of the Rock Hyrax, a mammal native to Africa and the Middle East. It's nature's perfume, and smelt surprisingly nice and musky!
It is used in traditional medicine and for making perfume.
That shouldn't come as any surprise- ambergris is formed from whale bile duct secretions and considered highly valuable in perfume making.
You can even polish a turd- which I did- and this is lion poo.
Piece of useless information- at the age of 10, in computer studies, we had to create a flow cart. I did mine based around the act of going to the toilet. I was lavatorial even then, and the teacher said she found my submission most interesting!
The Whiffalizers are set up in what were once men's urinals, and the object is to guess the whiff. You could get mint... You could get coconut... Or you could get poo...
baby's arm : fudge : log : defecate : secretion : motion :
give birth to a food baby :
curl one out
You press on the foot pump and the whiff arises. The poo one actually smelt quite nice! These certainly brought out my puerile side! At an entrance fee of £5 for adults and £2.50 for kids, this place is definitely worth half-an-hour to forty-five minutes of your time.
Flush interactive installations, where you can pull the chain and see if the items featured can go down the loo...
I've read many times before that only the three Ps should go down- that's Pee, Poo, and Paper...
A fatberg can form in your pipes if you throw forbidden things down the lavatory, and no one wants that- these will really mess up your plumbing system.
doodie : steam baby : nugget : business : brick : brownie : grunty :
launch a scud missile :
sit on the throne
Cloacina was the goddess who presided over the Cloaca Maxima- also known as the Greatest Drain- which was the main discharge outfall of the sewers in Rome. She is joined by Concordia; Roman goddess of harmony.
A Roman toilet where you can take a selfie (again I declined!)
This museum certainly takes a step in the right direction when if comes to breaking through the poo taboo. After all, everyone does it, even the King- although I'm sure he uses a gold plated throne!
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I now need to include number 50 in my poo words and euphemisms list, and that's my favourite word for it- I'm common, so it's...
DUMP
There are many other words and expressions for poo- do tell me yours!
My lettering colour, and backing colour for my vlog (created at the same time as this blog) had to be brown, of course, and choosing which shade reminded me of these two chaps- controversial artists Gilbert & George, who have used faecal matter as a subject for some of their creations.
Photo: Dar Tar
I saw a programme about the making of their 1995 exhibition, The Naked Shit- which, whilst being suitably vulgar, actually has a deeper meaning- and they described mixing the correct turd colour. They named it "arse brown," then expanded upon it by renaming it "George Michael's arse brown."
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Shitted, 1983, by Gilbert & George.
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I finished my day with a stroll along the cliff path overlooking Sandown, where we were staying...
View south, and Sandown gets mixed reviews. Indeed, I spotted at least one huge but dilapidated hotel on the seafront- a sad sign of the times.
A shout out to the Boardwalk Cafe on Sandown Pier- they have a great selection of grub and I just had to try this Gothic ice cream. It was simply black vanilla, but only I could fancy food just after visiting a poo museum!
(By the way, it gave me a black bowel movement...)
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Photo: Dean P. Grant
Sandown Pier on the day we arrived...
Sandown Pier at night...
Waxing moon over a hotel opposite the pier...
Beautiful sunrise over Sandown Pier on the day we left. Typical! We had two days when it absolutely tipped it down! But we just got on with it, as you do.
The Isle of Wight, I will return.
Until then...
TTFN
Miss Elaineous
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